The reflection of my own fear and pain sat in his eyes.  I was torn open and tendrils attached to my heart. The illusionist in him opened the doors to show me exactly what he needed me to see.  I was swept into Neverland, my own lost child running and playing with his.  What an amazing ride!  I was never much of a camper so I did not choose to make Neverland my home.  I longed for civilization and the comfort of the familiar.  Still there are days I long for the excitement and uncertainty of my Beloved Pan, never knowing what Peter, Tink or Captain Hook will do next.  He became them all and more.

His dark eyes and mischievous smile enchanted me but his warm inviting sensual embrace remains unforgettable.  There are those who can embrace you with their bodies and some who embrace you with their whole beings.  Pan was one of those amazing creatures.  His embrace was not only of the body but of the soul.  Union was a familiar and hungered for dance in him.  He reflected my own hunger for that sweet merging, beyond one, beyond two, fully into All. 

I was not his only Wendy.  He has many.  It seems only right to share the joy and pain.  And there was much pain.  As the delightful illusion wore off, the reality of illness and lostness became more and more apparent in both of us.  He mirrored all my childish lost demands and desires.  It was time for Wendy to grow up even if Pan could not.  I left him in Neverland hoping he would someday come join me in the real world.  I continue to hope he comes to find me here, for the loss of the Union is an ache in me I struggle to fill today.  In my solitary oneness I can allow merging with All and it is Complete, beyond sweet.  Yet in my duality, the longing for the dance with the Beloved Other into Union calls me back to Neverland.

 If only I could fly once again in the illusion Pan so masterfully wove.  Fly safe Beloved and if you ever become grounded in Truth, if you ever leave the illusion of Neverland, please come find me. I love you, Pan.  I always will.